Equity not Equality

May 11, 2017

Today's words of concern are selfish, selfless, insecurity, jealousy, entitlement, empowerment, equality.

Equality implies that we are all alike- to be equal we cannot be unique- when in fact, that is exactly what we are. Each of us is absolutely unique, on this planet to fulfill something no one else can. Sure, we have things in common- we are women, or men, or married, or single, educated or not, parents or not. We might have the same job, or live in the same town or come from the same country, but those commonalities do not make us equal. Each of our individual characteristics and life experiences play a part in the choices we make and eventually the people we become.

Let me try to illustrate: Two women with the same education (let’s just say coincidentally they went to the same university and obtained the same degree) were hired on the exact same day for the exact same job and starting pay- maybe, bank teller. Are they equal? Let’s layer it a bit more. One comes to work exactly on time every day and the other is always 10 min late. Are they equal? One dresses professionally, has a smile on her face when greeting customers and treats each one with courtesy. The other dresses in casual clothes better suited for the weekend and is rude. Are they equal? One looks for opportunities to learn, asks for additional work, initiates projects while the other comes to work, does her work and goes home. Are they equal?

Let’s look at it like this- Professional woman 1- comes to work on time, dresses professionally, is rude to customers and leaves the second her eight hours is up. Professional woman 2- Is 10 min. late, dresses casually, smiles and is courteous to customers, takes on tasks outside her exact job description and takes initiative.

Are they equal?

Should one be paid more than the other? Should one expect more than the other? Let me throw another curve ball into the mix.

Professional 1- leaves exactly on time every day because she cares for her father with dementia and her homecare worker leaves a ½ hour before she gets off work. So, for the last half hour of every day she is worried her father might have come to harm. Worried, distracted, maybe even rude. She dresses nicely because by living with her father she has extra money.

Professional 2- Is late every day because her daughter’s daycare doesn’t open until the exact time she has to be at work and it is 10 min. away. She doesn’t have enough money to buy lots of clothes because daycare eats most of her pay.

Again, let’s just say that they don’t know these things about each other, but their supervisor knows. Not only does this supervisor know, but bases pay increase on their individual circumstances, work, etc. Are they equal, put another way, is this fair?

Fair- so tired of hearing this word. It is for a two-year-old who has not developed the capacity to reason. I take a half hour lunch and she takes 40 min- it’s not fair. She has a messy desk and mine is clean, it’s not fair. Someone said something mean to her, it’s not fair. I am doing more work- it’s not fair. I won’t even get into the “it’s not fairs” coming down from the government right now.

What have we taught our children? That they can be and do anything...with no effort? Life really isn’t fair. Some people don’t get an education simply because of where they were born. Belief systems are persecuted simply because of where they are practiced. Women are without healthcare because men decide who gets it. None of this is fair.  So, what do we do with the unfairness?

Instead of creating little beings who never get dirty, or sick, or struggle because we protect them from unfairness, pain, and challenges, maybe we could teach them about the world. Introduce them to injustice, poverty, discrimination, fear. Guide them through it. Not because we are better or have the answer or can fix it, but rather so that they can develop compassion and empathy and a sense of wonder. Differences are what make the world both beautiful and unfair. We should not strive for equality, but for equity, understanding, and empathy.

Confusion of Thoughts, Selfishness and Generosity

May 1, 2017 

Something has been brewing and took shape today. Some of it I have written about before some coming from recent events, here, abroad. The opposite of generosity is selfishness. While that is fairly obvious, these are the words for today.

I saw a kind of generosity in Uganda that I had never seen before. Not here, or anywhere else I have traveled. It is born from being thankful, truly thankful for what one has. The saying “there but for the grace of God” is realized in a place that has known suffering- true poverty, war, injustice, and a kind of violence we see glimpses of. Each person there knows that today things are good for them, but tomorrow I could be in want. The, like us, can choose selfishness- and don’t think it doesn’t happen. I heard more times than I would have liked the phrase “I rose above it on my own, why can’t they”. I heard these same words from my father, my whole life. I was brought up to believe that you get from life only what you earn- or can bargain out of someone. I did not learn about service or helping those in need. Those ideas are in some way at war with the American dream.

I also found this to be true in my church. The words were there and some action, but no empathy. It was all “we are right and everyone else is wrong” …to tolerance, no connection. Service in the Church was more like something that must be done- not something that hurts not to do.

I grew up selfish. I wanted money because that is what my culture taught me was important. I looked at the homeless and said: “get a job, I have one." I judged others, not even thinking or caring about their story.

I changed. When I went to Uganda five years ago, it was mostly for me. I was curious, it was an adventure, it was brave. When I came back, “I” didn’t exist anymore. My life became about the children- children who had lost parents, siblings- been abducted and forced to do unspeakable things- children who with every fiber of their being just wanted to go to school. I was recently in a conference when Lisa Ling said: “Once you have seen it, you can’t do nothing.” I couldn’t do nothing.

Jump ahead to the story of a woman who embodies generosity. I have written about Anna before, my shero. She contracted Polio shortly after birth- because she was no lucky enough to have access to the vaccine…she grew up sitting in a corn of a hut, not allowed to go to school, no access to wheelchairs or medicine…a burden to her family. At 14 her father found a way for her to contribute- he sold her to men. They came, took her away and brought her back…used, abused and three times pregnant. She lost all the babies. The fourth pregnancy was successful and Anna gave birth to a son, her father died and she was free- well as free as a woman with no education, no money and a child could be. Did I mention the war? One day the rebel army found Anna in the hut. They sliced her across the head with a machete and left her to die while stealing everything she had.

She didn’t die- this amazing woman- shortly after, she and her son were moved to a displacement camp, that’s what they called it. Really it was a containment camp. The government made them leave the land and move to a camp of huts with no way to grow food or make a living or go to school. They lived there for seven years. The war ended and by a twist of fate, Anna survived all eleven of her siblings and because she had a son, her father's portion of land now belonged to her- well him. She took her son home, built a hut, farmed the land on her hands and knees with a hoe- and put her son in school. Every shilling she made selling her crops she spent on her son’s education. She met a woman- a nun who ran a school in town. This woman offered to let the boy study for free. Anna sent him away at the age of 12 to learn. The next day her uncles burned down the hut she lived in. You see there is a law in Uganda that says as long as a disabled person is working the land, it cannot be taken from them. Her uncles wanted the land…and torment her still today. She moved to the hut her son had built and she lives there still today. She works her land on her hands and knees, alone, with a hoe. 2-3 acres. She crawls the 1.5 km to a little outpost to find a boy to fetch water for her- the closest being 1.5 km in the opposite direction.

I met her son when he was in Primary 6. A big boy, humble, quiet and hardworking. I didn’t know his story- or the story of his mother until a few years later. I met her in town- she had come to get her wheelchair fixed. She was staying outside the Catholic Church- on a mat. She had gotten a ride to town in the back of a truck, - they left her at the Church. She crawled the ½ mile to the Disabled Center where she was told they couldn’t help her. You see she already had a wheelchair. So, she crawled back to the church. We had been told, I don’t know by who, that one of our boy’s moms was in town. I sent our mentor to go meet with her. A short time later he came to the office and said Laura you need to come with me, you need to meet Anna.

And because it is ingrained in us to see only the outside of a person- when I first saw Anna sitting on the ground with her shrunken twisted legs tucked under her was “Holy crap she’s buff and look at that smile!”

Sacrifice, sorrow, poverty, pain and generosity- selflessness- toward a son- is beyond inspiring.

There are many, many more stories of hospitality and generosity from people with nothing to give, nothing in their hut but a mat, a pot and a bag of beans.

Selfishness- cutting aid to people we have never met, cutting health care to women who will die- along with their children. Saying “why doesn’t their own government take care of them” turning away refugees- like Anna displaced from their homes by selfish men fighting a selfish war.

Generosity- “What you do to the least of my brothers you do to me” Giving what you can afford to give. Believing that the success of each one of us is dependent on the success of all of us.